


can't feel nothing small

by likebrightness



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, First Time, Post-Episode: s02e09, post-ep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-23 07:43:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9646799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likebrightness/pseuds/likebrightness
Summary: She's just nervous. She always thought the emphasis on sex, on losing your virginity, like it was some big deal, was dumb. It feels like a big deal now. Itmatters. Everything with Maggie is going so well, and she hasno ideahow sex is going to go, and it makes her nervous.





	

 

 

Alex apologizes probably seven more times. Maggie assures her she's forgiven, every time. Maggie listens while Alex explains what happened, how Kara was lost on another planet without her powers. Maggie holds Alex’s hand and traces shapes across her palm.

“You should go,” Maggie says.

“What?”

“Your sister was on a _different planet_ and could've died. Go snuggle with her and eat a bunch of food and watch a movie or something.”

Alex looks at her. “But. You’re—”

“Fine,” Maggie says. “And we can do dinner tomorrow, maybe? But right now I feel like you should be with your sister.”

Alex _wants_ to be. She wants to hold Kara and never let her go. But she had to apologize to Maggie first, had to make sure things were right between them.

“I'm fine, Alex,” Maggie says again, squeezing her hand. “I'll be here tomorrow, promise. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be with your sister right now.”

Alex kisses her. She’s not sure how she found someone this good. She doesn’t deserve her, she's sure; it's obvious, the way Alex pushed her away, she definitely doesn't deserve someone as good as Maggie. But she caught her, somehow, and she's going to hold onto her as long as she can.

“You sure?” Alex says, kissing her again before she can respond.

“Yes, babe. Go see Kara.”

*

Kara, of course, is fine. Kara is thrilled to have done something bigger than chasing down jewel thieves. There are already two pizzas on her kitchen counter, but Kara still beams when Alex shows up with potstickers and a third pizza.

“You're the best big sister,” Kara says, and hugs Alex tighter than anyone else can.

“I know.”

On the couch, Alex sits as close to Kara as possible while still having enough room to eat. Kara leans into her as she demolishes two and a half pizzas and 90% of the potstickers.

The longer Alex is there, the calmer she feels. It's how it always goes after Kara does something dangerous; Alex’s heart doesn't beat normally for a while.

When Alex finally feels like she can take a full breath, Kara grins at her and says, “so, you and Maggie?” dragging out the first and last word, and Alex’s pulse jumps again.

She blushes and ducks her head. “She’s so great, Kara. I can't believe it.”

Kara sits sideways, cross legged on the couch so she can look right at Alex. “Okay like, I know I'm your sister,” she says and Alex laughs at her. Where is this going? “So don't give me all the dirty details or anything, but tell me about the other night! How was it?”

Alex doesn't think about what dirty details Kara means, she just gushes. “God, it was _amazing._ She’s amazing. We barely slept at all. We just spent the whole night—”

“Ah ah ah!” Kara holds up both her hands. “I said I didn't need the dirty details!”

Alex wrinkles her nose. “What dirty details? What are you talking about?”

“I want to know how it’s going,” Kara says. “But I don’t want to know details about the—” she looks around like someone else could be in her apartment and overhear, then she whispers, “ _sex_.”

Alex guffaws. She thinks it's a joke at first, but Kara’s face is completely serious. “We didn't _have sex!”_ Alex doesn't know why but she's whispering, too.

“But you said she spent the night!”

“That's what you thought when I said—oh my god, does everyone think that?!”

“Well,” Kara pulls a face. She finally stops whispering. “I think everyone thought you had at least a modicum of game, so yeah, they probably think that.”

“I have game!”

Laughter bubbles out of Kara. “Sure you do,” she says. “I can’t believe you were so giddy and you didn’t even have sex.”

“Look who’s talking, girl who keeps finding excuses to interview Lena Luthor and then doesn’t stop smiling for three hours,” Alex snaps. She knows Kara’s just teasing, but she’s _sensitive_ about this, so she’s gonna fire back.

Kara sputters. “What? I don’t— this isn’t about me! We’re talking about you! And how you and Maggie apparently haven’t had sex.”

“Not because I don’t have _game_ ,” Alex says. “We’re just taking things slowly. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but this relationship is kind of a big deal to me.”

Kara catches Alex’s hand, squeezes. “I know. I’m sorry,” she says. “Of course you can go as slowly as you want; I’m just happy you’re so happy. You don’t ever have to have sex, all that matters is you’re happy.”

“I mean, we’re going to _sometime_ ,” Alex says.

“Right and you’re not going to tell me any details about that,” Kara says.

Alex chuckles. “Yes, when there are any actual dirty details, I’m not going to tell my _baby sister_ them.”

“You know technically I’m older than you.”

Alex rolls her eyes, decides it’s not worth it to throw a pillow at Kara.

*

Of course Alex and Maggie are going to have sex. That’s—she's—she's almost thirty, and she wants to, she does. She didn't like sex with men, but she's pretty sure sex isn't the thing she didn't like in that equation. Because she wants to have sex with Maggie. She wants that level of intimacy, cares about it like she never has with anyone else. The other night was amazing— they stayed up talking, and there was some making out and a lot of cuddling— but Alex does want to go further.

She's just nervous. She always thought the emphasis on sex, on losing your virginity, like it was some big deal, was dumb. It feels like a big deal now. It _matters_. Everything with Maggie is going so well, and she has _no idea_ how sex is going to go, and it makes her nervous.

What if she’s not good? What if she and Maggie don’t click in bed the way they do everywhere else? Will it matter? Will it change things? Alex is _so_ happy, and she doesn’t want anything to mess that up, especially when her insecurities have already tried— she’s already tried to push Maggie away; she doesn’t know how to not be scared she’s going to mess it up again.

-

Alex goes to Maggie’s, the next night. Maggie kisses her hello and gives her a tour of the apartment, which is small and cozy and has pictures of her family on the bookshelves. Alex’s heart feels so full, getting to see this. Alex tries not to look too hard around the bedroom, tries not to think too hard either.

Maggie makes her dinner, and Alex gushes about it until Maggie rolls her eyes.

“It’s _spaghetti_ , Alex,” she says. “Please stop acting like I’ve done something amazing.”

Alex blushes. She _has_ done something amazing, is the thing. She’s let Alex fuck up and took her back anyway. She thinks Alex is important enough for a home-cooked meal in her apartment. It feels like a lot.

“It’s just—” Alex says. “I was terrible, and you’re being so wonderful. I’m _so_ sorry and I’m so grateful you’ve forgiven me and—”

“And I have forgiven you,” Maggie says. “So stop apologizing and eat your pasta.”

She says it teasingly, but there’s an undercurrent of demand that makes Alex swallow thickly.

It’s their third date, technically, even if none of them have really been _dates_ so much as hanging out in each other’s apartments, but still. The third date. Alex knows it doesn’t really matter, but it does, she feels like it does. She wants it to, maybe. She’s scared, but she wants it to.

Even though she’s scared, and spends most of dinner talking with her hands too much, Maggie smiles at her all the way through it.

As Alex tries to do the dishes, Maggie keeps smiling, takes the sponge out of her hand.

“Let them soak,” she says. “I’ll deal with them later.”

“I can do them,” Alex says. “You cooked, I should—”

“You should come sit on the couch with me.”

Alex grins, and shuffles her feet a little on the way to the couch. Maggie pets her hand down Alex’s arm. Alex almost shivers at the contact. Maggie tilts her head, and Alex kisses her before she can ask what’s going on.

Alex tries to be cool, to be smooth, but Maggie pulls back anyway. The kissing was admittedly a bit frantic.

“Babe,” Maggie says. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, totally,” Alex says.

“You want to take this to the bedroom?”

“Yeah,” she says, her voice going a little high-pitched.

Maggie grins and takes her hand, leads her down the hallway to her bedroom. Alex hopes her palm isn’t too sweaty.

When they get to the bedroom, Maggie doesn’t push Alex against the door, or down onto the bed. She doesn’t kiss Alex hard, doesn’t kiss Alex gently, either.

She sits down on the edge of the bed, and gestures for Alex to sit beside her, and she says, “We don’t have to do anything until you’re ready.”

“I’m ready!” Alex’s voice goes high-pitched again. Maggie quirks an eyebrow at her and Alex blushes. “I want to be ready,” she amends. “I just—I don’t want to mess this up by not being good, or by not being ready soon enough, or anything. I almost ruined it already.”

Maggie shakes her head. “Alex, if I pushed you into anything before you were ready, _I_ would be ruining this, not you. God.” She lets out a breath, squeezes Alex’s hand. “I really enjoyed the night I spent at your place. This can be the same thing.”

“You don’t want to have sex with me?”

Maggie chuckles. “I want to have sex with you when you’re ready, not because you think I’m going to leave if you don’t. We both might mess this up for a lot of reasons, but that is _not_ going to be one of them, okay?”

Alex swallows. She closes her eyes and breathes. “I don’t know what I did to get lucky enough to find you,” she says, eyes still closed.

“C’mon, Danvers, don’t get soft on me,” Maggie says, but Alex can tell by her voice that she likes what Alex said.

Alex thinks _how’s this for soft?_ and says, “Okay so we're not having sex, but we can still make out, right?”

Maggie laughs, but she leans in. And when Alex tugs Maggie’s leg up and over her, Maggie laughs again, but she doesn't pull away. Instead she settles onto Alex’s lap and licks into her mouth.

Kissing is good. It is so, so good. Maggie stays on top of her, the whole time. She's very polite, doesn't grind down even when Alex’s hips roll underneath hers. Alex wants her to. Alex can’t stop herself from making little noises, not quite moans, but too deep to be whimpers, little noises in the back of her throat. The more Alex kisses Maggie the more she _wants_ , and by the time Maggie pulls away, shuddering at a noise Alex couldn't help make, Alex wants everything.

“I could,” she starts, “maybe, be ready?”

Maggie blinks at her a couple of times. Then she smiles, and kisses Alex gently. “Not tonight, babe,” she says. “It's a decision you should make some time when we haven't just made out for like an hour.”

That seems reasonable, even if Alex doesn't really want it to be.

“Instead, maybe tell me about your day?” Maggie slides off of her lap, sits next to her on the bed.

And so they talk. They already texted a bit, throughout the day— Alex had at first made herself wait before responding to Maggie’s texts, she felt too desperate, but then Maggie always responded right away, and Alex stopped feeling desperate. They had texted, but they fill each other in on the times between their texts. Alex tells Maggie about how she checked in on Kara at Catco three separate times, just in case she got any ideas about leaving the planet again. Maggie tells Alex about this other detective she considers shooting because he constantly snacks and won’t stop chewing with his mouth open. It’s good and easy and when Alex finally looks at a clock, she can’t believe how much time has passed.

“I've got some pajamas you can wear, if you want to stay?” Maggie says it gently, like she thinks Alex might actually say no.

Alex nods. “Yeah, definitely.”

They get ready for bed. Alex doesn’t let herself even glance at Maggie as they change. Instead she focuses on the boxers and long t-shirt Maggie offers her—the shirt less long than it is on Maggie, certainly, but it works. She brushes her teeth with her finger and Maggie smiles at her through a mouthful of foam.

Alex’s heart feels fit to burst. She knows her feelings are probably moving too fast—it's only their third date and they haven't even slept together yet, but Maggie just makes her so _happy._ She feels like a teenager, overcome with hearteyes, and maybe she should be too old for this, but she doesn’t care.

She climbs into bed and Maggie climbs in behind her and says, “Wanna spoon?”

Alex grins. “Yeah.”

“Roll over.”

“Um. Why?”

“If you want to spoon, you have to roll over.”

“No, _you_ have to roll over,” Alex says. “I’m the big spoon.”

Maggie laughs. “Seriously?”

“Um, you’re tiny,” Alex says and Maggie raises her eyebrows. “I mean, it’s not bad. But you’re smaller than me. I’m the big spoon.”

Maggie shakes her head, still chuckling. “Whatever you say, babe.”

She rolls over, though, so Alex doesn’t have to complain. Instead Alex slips an arm under Maggie’s head, wraps the other around her middle. Maggie presses her body backward into Alex’s. Alex pushes her face into Maggie’s hair, presses a kiss against the back of her head. After so many years sleeping alone, Alex is surprised how much she likes sharing a bed.

She does wonder if they'll be too warm to sleep, but then she falls asleep before she can worry about it too much.

-

Alex wakes up with something warm against her back and nothing in front of her. It takes her a minute to realize it’s the opposite of how she fell asleep. She’s wrapped in Maggie’s arms, and maybe she should be the little spoon, because this is the greatest feeling ever. She wonders if Maggie’s arm is asleep under her head, wonders if Maggie minds the faceful of hair she probably has right now. Alex can’t really bring herself to care about anything other than how comfortable she feels.

She can tell when Maggie wakes up, because she fidgets, fumbles around like maybe she's trying to get Alex’s hair out of her mouth. Alex rolls over.

“Hey,” Maggie says, her smile soft and sleepy.

“Hi.”

Alex has nothing else to say, struck speechless at the sight of her girlfriend. Maggie stretches, and leans in for a quick good morning kiss.

“I hate to say I told you so, but…” Maggie trails off.

“What?”

“The way we woke up,” she says. “Our bodies naturally knew I'm the big spoon in this relationship.”

Alex shoves her shoulder and rolls her eyes. “Whatever.”

“Also,” Maggie says, stealing another kiss then pulling away and wrinkling her nose. “No offense but you’ve kind of got some major morning breath going on.”

Alex immediately flees for the bathroom, Maggie laughing at her from the bed. Alex’s face is red in the mirror as she pours herself a capful of mouthwash.

When she comes back to the bedroom, Maggie’s still lying in bed, stretching with a yawn, and she looks so good. Alex flings herself at her girlfriend.

Maggie’s laughing again as Alex pins her wrists down and kisses her.

“What about my breath?”

“No,” Alex says in between kisses. “It’s perfect. You’re perfect.”

Maggie just giggles and lets Alex kiss her.

Alex makes one of those noises in her throat and Maggie’s hips lift against hers. Alex tugs Maggie’s shirt up and over her head without thinking about it. Maggie pulls back.

“Alex—”

“I’m ready,” Alex says.

Maggie tilts her head at her. Alex can tell she doesn’t believe her, but she _is_. She’s ready. She’s not even scared anymore.

“Alex, you know I don’t want to rush you. If you’re not—”

“I am,” she says. Her voice doesn’t go high-pitched at all. In fact, it’s lower, and she tries to swallow down the grit in it. Maggie’s just in a bra and pajama pants; Alex doesn’t want to talk about this, she wants to do this. “I know you’re not going to leave. I know even if I’m terrible at this, you’ll— I don’t know, train me or something.” Maggie bursts out laughing but Alex keeps going. “But you’re half-naked, and you’re really hot, and I’d really rather touch you than talk about it anymore?”

Maggie’s smile slides into a smirk, but she doesn’t say yes. She says, “You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

“You’ll stop if anything changes? If I go too far or too fast or if you want—”

“ _Yes_ ,” Alex says. “I’m kissing you now.”

She doesn’t even let Maggie agree before she does just that. She presses her body up against Maggie’s as they kiss. It's different—with Maggie shirtless. Alex had gotten her hands under Maggie’s shirt before, but hadn't actually taken it off. There's no safe place to touch, nowhere that isn't skin, that doesn't light Alex on fire when her fingers rest there.

“Can I—” Alex feels Maggie's throat work to swallow. “Do you want to take off your shirt?”

Alex grins. She sits up, sits up straddling Maggie, and she's done that before while they kissed, but she doesn't think she'll ever get over how good it feels. She sits up and reaches for the hem of her shirt but Maggie gets there first, half sitting up with her to pull the shirt over Alex’s head. She looks at her, and Alex doesn’t bother being nervous or embarrassed because Maggie is _drooling_ , basically, and then she tugs Alex back down with her and _fuck_ , their skin slides together smooth and hot. Alex shudders.

They kiss, again and again and Alex doesn't know for how long, can't think past the feeling of Maggie’s skin on hers.

Maggie rolls her over, rolls on top of her, and Alex doesn’t mind at all.

“Can I take these—” Maggie starts, her hands plucking at Alex’s waistband.

Alex tugs the boxers down without responding. She’s naked. She’s naked and Maggie is half-naked on top of her and she’s still ready, she’s still not scared, this feels _perfect_ , and then Maggie slides her hands between Alex’s legs and Alex groans.

Maggie goes slowly, and Alex doesn’t know if it’s perfect or if she wants so much more. Both, maybe. And even though Maggie is patient and unhurried, pressing gentle kisses to Alex’s skin as she touches her, it doesn’t take long for Alex to have the sheets clenched in her fists.

“I’ve never felt this good in _my life_ ,” she says, she actually says it out loud, and she’s probably going to be embarrassed about that later, but right now she can’t think enough to be. Because it’s _true_.

Maggie doesn’t even smirk about it, anyway, she just does something with her fingers on Alex’s clit that makes Alex see stars, makes Alex slam her head backward into the pillow, makes Alex shake and pulse and moan as she comes.

Before she can recover, before she can come down at all, really, Maggie shifts and slides her fingers _inside_ , and Alex is coming again. She was right; she’s never felt this good before. She’s had sex, she’s touched herself, but it’s never been like this, never been these long rolling waves of feeling. It’s intense enough there’s a moment she’s afraid she might cry, but then Maggie murmurs, _there you go, baby girl_ , and Alex just kisses her instead.

She does recover, eventually. Maggie holds her and kisses her and Alex smiles so wide her cheeks hurt.

“My turn now?” she says.

Maggie laughs. “That was your turn, babe.”

Alex doesn’t think so. She rolls half on top of Maggie.

“I think this is my turn,” she says, and pushes Maggie’s pants off her hips.

Alex has always considered herself agnostic, but Maggie naked beneath her is pretty much proof of a benevolent god. The first time she touches her, Alex sends her thanks up to any supreme being that might exist.

Alex should just use her fingers. Maggie feels incredible, and Alex should stick to this; this makes sense, it’ll be easier. But Alex’s whole body is still thrumming, and she feels too good to even be nervous, really, and she slides down the bed without really thinking about it.

“Alex,” Maggie says.

“Mmhmm?” Alex says.

She’s face-to— well, not face-to-face, but— Maggie is in front of her, legs open, and it’s suddenly a little more intimidating.

“You don't have to,” Maggie says.

“I want to,” Alex says, and leans in.

She means to go slow. She does. Because she doesn’t know what she’s doing and she wants to make sure Maggie likes it. She’s going to be careful and gentle at first, figure out what works, figure out what Maggie likes.

That’s not quite how it happens.

It’s just that when she gets her mouth on Maggie? She kind of forgets about going slow, kind of forgets about being nervous because this is the hottest thing in the world. Maggie tastes— it’s not _good_ , exactly, it’s tangy and different than anything she’s tasted before and _amazing_. And it _feels_ amazing. She drags her tongue through Maggie’s wetness and it’s _everything._  She’s not gentle. She doesn’t go slow. She buries her face between Maggie’s legs. She can’t stop herself.

Maggie doesn’t seem to mind. Maggie arches off the bed and curses and fists the sheets. Alex moans against her, and Maggie moans back. She says _fuck_. Says _Alex_ in the exact same tone.

Alex’s chin and cheeks get sloppy with Maggie. She just wants more, just wants to be closer. Maggie stops clutching the sheets and clutches the back of Alex’s head instead, holds her in place and rolls her hips again and again. Alex flicks her tongue and honestly can’t fucking believe she’s getting to do this, getting to make Maggie feel like this, she’s so goddamn _thrilled_ , and then Maggie’s coming, and that’s even _better_ , holy shit, that is so much better, Maggie is shaking and she’s wetter, suddenly, and Alex isn’t really thinking about drawing out her orgasm, but that’s what happens, because Alex _can’t stop_ , and she doesn’t, not until Maggie finally pushes her away, gasping.

Alex wipes her chin and climbs back up the bed to grin at her girlfriend.

“So that was okay?”

Maggie shoves at her shoulder. “Yeah, Danvers, it was _okay_.” She’s still getting her breath back. Maybe it was more than okay.

“Can I do it again?”

Maggie laughs, and rolls over, buries her face in Alex’s neck. “Not right now,” she says against Alex’s skin. “Give me a minute.”

“You didn’t give me a minute,” Alex points out.

Maggie bites her.

Alex knows her smile is goofy-levels of big. She doesn't mind at all.

 

 

 

 


End file.
